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Dr. Dolittle 2/Transcript
Transcript Welcome to San Francisco,|the city by the bay. Home to 30,000 fre hydrants, 4 million tennis|balls and very liberal pooper-scooper laws. My name is Lucky. I'm a dog, in case you|hadn't guessed, and I belong to this man. You remember Dr Dolittle, right?|The guy who can talk to animals? If you don't, let me jog your memory.|He's a doctor and he talks to animals. Anyways, he's busier than ever. Doctor, you've got Mr Carson at ten for|a full workup. Mr Wennington's EKG's at 12. - Mrs Bloom's got a bad rash. I told her 11.15.|- Got you. Buster's deworming is at 12.30. Misty's cough|is back. I put her in at one. Then neuters. - Rotary Club dinner tonight.|- Kennel Club tomorrow. OK, push Mr Carson to 11. I'll deworm Buster|at 12, do the EKG at 12.30. Move Misty to 1.15. And, Lucky, stop mixing up my charts.|Last week I almost neutered Mr Panitch. From what I hear,|you'd be doing Mrs Panitch a favour. Any time, ladies. Thank you. No matter how busy he got,|Doc always found time to help animals. - Hi. My name is Bandit.|- How you doin', Bandit? - And I'm a stray.|- That's OK. We're all strays. I know how hard it is the first time.|Take your time. - One paw at a time, Bandit.|- That's true. That's right. Never give up hope, Bandit.|And notjust Bandit. All you dogs, listen. Every dog in here can find a family|and be somebody's best friend. Let me hear you say that.|Say: I am somebody's best friend. - I am somebody's best friend.|- One more time: I am somebody's best friend! - I am somebody's best friend.|- That's right. That's right. Also, there's a family in North Beach|trying to find a good watchdog. Somebody house-broken and great with kids.|Anyone got a background in security? That'd be Rusty. Rusty's a watchdog. - Who's Rusty?|- Rusty... Oh, no. Rusty! - This better be important.|- No, uh, never mind, Rusty. It says "Must not lick... ...all the time. " Every zoo in the country had a job for him. He|was especially good at matters of the heart. How long's it been|since you made baby turtles? Not that long, maybe 20 years. It'll be 48 years next Monday. OK, I see the problem.|Listen, I'm gonna give you these pills. - Crush 'em up and put 'em in your food.|- What do they do? Oh... Oh-oh, yeah, you're lookin' fine. Ho-ho, comin' atcha, baby! In fact, he became an international celebrity,|travelling from Alaska to Australia. I'm here with the world-famous Dr Dolittle,|who actually speaks with animals. Now, what we're gonna do is sneak up on|and rescue this unsuspecting alligator. We're quiet so he doesn't know we're here. The trick with catching this alligator|is to be wary of those teeth... Hey, Dolittle, see what I'm doing is allowing|Steve to think I don't know he's back there... ...wait until he tries to grab me, turn on him|and, Bob's your uncle, bite his arm off! I'm gonna have to get|my arm round his neck... - Hey, Steve, he knows we're here.|- Sh, don't blow the element of surprise. Now! Oh! Crikey, me arm! It seemed everybody wanted a piece of|the good doctor, and his family understood. - Thank you.|- Well, most of them did. But we'll get to that part in a minute.|Right now I gotta answer the door. - Yeah, who's there?|- Hey, it's me. I forgot my key. Open up. Well, then I guess you'll have to beg, huh?|Come on, boy, beg. Come on. Get it? Role reversal. Cos usually it's the human... ...that says to the dog...|- I know you better open up the door 'fore I... Just open the door, Lucky. - Seeing as you feed me, I'll let you in.|- OK. Thank you. Thank you. - Guess who's back from France.|- John? Hey. Hey! - Hey, sweetie.|- How you doin'? Aaaah! I got you a present from Paris. - That's for me?|- Yes, for you, for us. - Oh!|- Yeah, I can enjoy this present as well! You know what would be a nice present? If you could keep that flock|of your faithful away. I'm sorry. I'll talk to them later. - Daddy!|- Hey, baby. How are you doin'? - Look, I got you a little present from Mexico.|- Ooh, gracias. I wonder what it is. Agh! Earthquake! 911! - No, I wouldn't shake it.|- Ow, my spleen! That hurt! - Oh! He's so cute. Thanks, Dad.|- Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta. It's a chameleon. It can change colour. The blendmaster is in the house.|I'm gonna disappear like old baby's daddy. Now you see me.|Boomph. Now you don't, eh? - No, we can still see you.|- I'm not gone? I'm not invisible? - You did remember it's Charisse's birthday?|- Sure. Did you remember to get the cake? - Charisse doesn't want a family birthday.|- What's that about? - We always celebrate together.|- You have anything green? - Take this thing to your room, please.|- Guacamole? A zucchini? A big pickle? - She's got a date.|- I suck. A date? - A date with who?|- I didn't ask. She's a big girl now, John. We'll see about this date thing.|Where's the birthday girl at? - She's unreachable.|- What do you mean? Where is she? She's in her room with the door locked|and headphones on. Try paging her. She's in the house and she's unreachable?!|I'm supposed to page her in my own house? OK, we'll see if I'm gonna page.|I ain't paging nothin'. Careful, Doc, she's 16. That's a tough age. Hey. Charisse, open this door! - Do you believe this? Hey!|- Try her cell. I'm not calling on the cellphone|while she's in her bedroom. Hey! Charisse! Open the door! OK. All right. OK. OK! Agh! Charisse! Those teenagers, Doc.|They can drive a man to drink. Hey. - What are you drinkin'?|- Gatorade. Oh, really? Give it to me. - Gatorade make wine now, huh?|- Blah! You better slow down. - Which one of you is Dolittle?|- What now? - I have a message from the boss.|- From the who? The Godbeaver.|Save the questions and come with me. You know the rules. You just don't come up|here. Make an appointment. An appointment! Now, go! Tell the beaver|to make an appointment. I can't. I'll end up sleeping with the fishes. How's it gonna look in the paper if Dr Dolittle|throws a possum off the roof? Not right. - Now, leave! Cos I will.|- Watch your tone, buddy. Charisse! - Talk.|- This is Daddy. - Hey!|- I got a couple of questions for you. I wanna know how come I gotta climb|up a side of a building to talk to you... Dad, where are you? - Dad! Dad, what are you doing?|- What? This is the only way I can reach you! What are you doin' in here?|What's all of this? - You do that in public?|- Dance? Of course. That's not dancing. That's advertising.|Why don't you want a family birthday? Having dinner with your family is|what you do when you're young, not 16. - Besides, I have a date.|- Bring your date with you. You're coming. Cool! "Eric, my parents and my little sister|will be joining us on our date. " No, he's gonna be joining us|at a family event. We have it every year. I don't even know why... - What's this?|- Dad, that's private. I can see why it's private. It's embarrassing.|Charisse, you got two Cs and a D on here. Embarrassing? Dad, you are the last person|to talk about anything being embarrassing. What are you talkin' about?|What's that supposed to mean? Argh! So I should stop doing what I do and helping|animals because you find it embarrassing? - That's not gonna happen.|- That's right it's not, so forget it. You're comin' to dinner. Look at this. - No cellphone for a week.|- What am I gonna do without my cellphone? Here's some stamps. You can learn|to write a letter. You think I care? Look at me. Do I look like I care?|Just look. Look at me. No, Charisse, look at me.|Do I look like I care? Look. I don't care. This is unbelievable. She has|50 numbers in here, not one is mine. - You shouldn't be looking at that.|- Why not? "Biggie Mack Cell. " "Biggie Mack Pager. " "Biggie Mack Home. " - Who the hell is Biggie Mack?|- I don't know, John. I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is. I don't|like that name. What kind of name is that? - What is that?|- Marcus's cellphone. - Cellphone?|- Mm-hm. - When did he get a cellphone?|- Last week. - What are you doing? John!|- Sh. I'm checking out Biggie Mack. Hello. - Hey, who is this?|- Who is this? - Is this Biggie Mack?|- Who wants to know? - Hey, I'm asking the questions here, punk.|- What? - How old are you?|- None of your business! What if I make it my business to find out? - Are you threatenin' me?|- I don't make threats. I'm promisin' you... - Is this John Dolittle?|- Hi. I'm so sorry, that's a wrong number. - It's a grown man on the end of that phone.|- I wish I could say the same thing about you. - The door.|- I hear the door. - Go get that door!|- Who am I - Mr French? I got to get doors? Coming! Hey, Dr D. Wassup? It's me. Me? Who's Me? Back up, Me. I'm sayin', you gonna let me in? - Dr D, what's goin' on?|- Excuse me? Remember me? Eric. Domino's Pizza?|Extra cheese, anchovies, tomatoes... - You're the pizza guy.|- Yeah. - Thanks, man. Did I forget to give you a tip?|- No, you gave me somethin' better than a tip. - I'm gonna take care of you cos...|- Hey, Eric. Wassup, baby? You ready? - Whoa, whoa, wait. This is your date?|- Dad, Eric. Eric, Dad. - My man! Wassup? Wassup?|- Um, Eric, no. - We have to stay here and eat dinner.|- Huh? It's cool with me. Charisse, don't be like that. You're gonna|ruin dinner for everybody. Come on, now. You know what, Pops? Don't even sweat|that, man. I know how to take care of her. Pops? When Charisse was a year and a half,|she didn't want to wear diapers any more. - Remember that?|- John. She had accidents around the house cos|she didn't have it down yet. We'd have piles... - Dad, you had to go there, didn't you?|- Come on, this is family. - It's cool. I'm actually learnin' something.|- Really? Interesting you never learnt|to take off your hat at the table. Isn't your head getting hot?|Mine is, just lookin' at you in that hat. Sixteen! Just think, Charisse, in two years|you'll be out of this house and off to college. One year, ten months, sixteen days. Berkeley's a close college. If you went there,|you could live at home and save money. That's a good idea, but I've reserved|a U-Haul for the day I graduate high school. Oh. You've reserved a U-Haul already? Uh, Dad, someone to see you. Yo. Step outside. - Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.|- Bye, Dad. Love you. I love you too. Excuse me, Eric. - Yeah. Hey, yo. Yo, down here. OK.|- Now, what do you want? First of all, the beaver sends|birthday greetings to your lovely daughter. Oh, really? Very nice. Go tell|the beaver he's getting on my nerves. Oh, what you gettin' bent out of shape for?|He only wants a moment of your time. - What if I say no?|- You don't wanna go down that road. Tell the beaver|eight o'clock, my office, tomorrow. Oh! The beaver don't travel for nobody. He|knows you're busy and he'll remember this... ...but this is truly a life-or-death situation. All right, shut up. Listen.|My car, 7am. All right? Hey, this is good news.|The beaver likes good news. - Thank you.|- Jimmy, get the car. # Happy birthday to you - # Happy birthday!|- # Happy birthday, dear Charisse # Happy birthday # Happy birthday to you Come on, blow your candles out|and make a wish. Wee! Surprise! - Happy birthday!|- It's your birthday. It's your birthday. There's a mouse in the house! - Give me that.|- I am licking the candles. - Oh, yeah? You can lick my fat, funky...|- Don't be a piggy. - Charisse, I'm so sorry.|- Ooh, ouch. Watch the fur. We're doing|somethin' nice for your daughter. I bet if a cute little kitty popped out,|you'd say "How cute. " But you're not. Listen,|you're not a couple of cute little kitties. - We are.|- You're two disgusting rats... - We're not.|... that ruined the cake. You wanna get personal now? You know|what "rats" spelt backwards is? It's "star"! - That's right. I'm a star, buddy.|- Is that right? - Do you know what "ha" spells backwards?|- Um, no... Ah! Exactly! - Could it be?|- Yes, it is! Diapers! And my favourite: Chocolate. - Say "Maya".|- Maya. - Maya.|- Maya. - What are you doing?|- I think he's about to say something. Bring me a bone. And a large order of flies. Supersized. You will be bring me ham,|luncheon meats, cold cuts. - Lucky, out.|- Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone a second? OK. Come on, boy. Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight. I'm thinking about cutting back a bit and|spending more time around here with you. - Great. More animals'll be here.|- What if we don't stay? We can go on a vacation to Europe,|the whole family. What about that? - Are you serious?|- I'm dead serious. We can go to Paris, Rome. We always talked about that.|Let's do it. What do you think? Is this a bribe? Yes, this is a bribe. - It's working.|- Doc, one other thing I forgot to tell... - Tomorrow!|- What? - Tomorrow.|- Tomorrow. Yeah. European vacation. So tomorrow. Tomorrow we're going to Europe! Tomorrow. So Doc, the raccoon and the possum took|a road trip to meet this mysterious beaver. - Hey, Doc, nice wheels. Whaddaya call this?|- Oh, this is a Mustang. - Yo, Doc, is there a car named after me?|- No, I don't think they make a Possum. - Why not?|- Not a lot of cars named after rodents. I wanna go over some ground rules|for when you meet the beaver. Number one: No sudden movements. Number two: Do not stare at his teeth.|Between you and me he has a slight overbite. I personally think he needs braces,|but I'm not a dentist. Numbers three through ten: You'll treat him|with the respect he deserves. Capeesh? We're talkin' about a beaver, right? - Hey, Tootie, how you doin'?|- Hey, Doctor, how are you? Hey, back away from him, Jimmy.|Show some respect, you animals. - The raccoon got the doctor.|- He says he's a miracle worker. - Hello?|- Paulie, get the boss ready. Doin' everythin' you say, Joey.|Doin' everythin' like you told me. I'm gonna go get some acorns. Yeah, Dr Dolittle, I presume.|Welcome to my den. - Would you like a fish?|- Oh, no, thank you. I've eaten already. Hey, the beaver offers you a fish,|you take the fish. - Joey, shut up.|- Sorry, boss. I've heard good things about you|from some of the Bay Area families. From the Bay Area families? Really?|What are you guys, some kind of Mafia? Mafia? No. We don't know|nothin' about no Mafia. Do we, boys? - Nah, never heard of it.|- That's a myth. I'm just a simple fisherman blessed with|many friends. Perhaps you'll be one of them. - What do you guys want from me?|- Well, I'm losin' my territory. - What, the other animals movin' in on you?|- Yeah. The human kind. They're cuttin' down our homes,|bustin' up families. - They're cuttin' down the whole forest.|- You're talking to the wrong person. You need to contact one of those|nature groups like the Sierra Club or... It has to be you, Doc. You're the only one|who knows how to speak human. Yeah, we can't fight humans on our own.|They got guns, knives and pullout couches. Sure, I got rabies, I could bite somebody.|But I can only do so much. - You have no idea what I'm talking about.|- Sure I do. It's man against nature. But with you on our side, I like the odds. Me on your side?|I didn't say I was gonna help you. I didn't say. Doctor, before you say no, I would|like you to see what we're talkin' about. It's gone. Everything... gone. - How do you save a forest?|- It's not gonna be easy, John. I would assume the lumber|companies have a lot of clout. But I do know, if there were a threatened|or an endangered species in the forest... ...there defnitely are laws that protect it.|- How am I gonna find out if there are? Well... you could ask Eugene. We found an endangered species of bear,|a female whose mother had been killed. - She's the only Pacific Western bear there.|- That's good. One bear has to be protected. Well, no. The lawyers for Potter's Logging|Company argued, since she's the only one... ...there's no chance for survival anyway.|There'd have to be a male, too. - Pardon me.|- Get a male and let nature take its course. Unfortunately, the only male Pacific Western|bear we could find was raised in captivity. Never has a bear raised in captivity|been successfully reintroduced to the wild. They've never had|the love doctor makin' the intros. - Psst! Doctor.|- Excuse me a second. Your man left the barn door open. - Is somethin' wrong?|- Uh, the... uh... Oh, jeez. Hope that|Bamm Bamm didn't see that. - No, the giraffe is the one that was disgusted.|- I am so sorry. - I know you're really disappointed.|- Disappointed? About not going to Europe? - Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?|- I made you a promise. I'm gonna stick to it. If you don't want me to do it, I'll understand. I can say no and not feel guilty|for the rest of my life? When do we leave? As soon as we get a court order|to stop the cutting. Who's gonna argue the case? - Wh... Why you lookin' around?|- Me? What "me"? Not me. You. - No, no, no.|- Yes, yes, yes. - No, no, no, no.|- Yes, yes, yes, yes. - No.|- For the animals. For the animals. - For the animals? I don't do animal law.|- Do it for the animals. That's specieism.|You're a specieist. You're a specieist! No, Your Honour. We're simply asking for an|injunction to have a chance to save a species. Your Honour, this is|a delaying tactic/publicity stunt. Saving a species? I have affidavits|signed by a range of experts... ...who all concur that|to take a bear raised in captivity... ...and reintroduce it into the wild|is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. A bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know|how to feed itself or interact with real bears... ...let alone make it through its first winter. No. It would certainly succumb to|Darwin's law of nature: Survival of the fittest. - Actually...|- Well, yeah, but Darwin's never met my dad. Young lady, that's inappropriate behaviour.|And just who is your father? Sir, Your Honour, that's me.|I'm her father. Name's Dolittle. - Dr Dolittle.|- Dr Dolittle? Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame|bear and mate it in the wild with a female? Yes, I do, Your Honour. In that case, I'll grant a one-month's delay|on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. - For one month, Dr Dolittle. That's it.|- Thank you, sir. And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as|set one paw in a camp site or this town... ...I'll rescind this order immediately. I understand completely. Thank you. Thank you, Your Honour. Dr Dolittle! Over here! Dr Dolittle, you speak to|both domestic and wild animals. Can the circus bear relate to a forest bear? Well, I only know that|he's been living in captivity... ...so I'm sure he'll be really|happy to return to the wild. So much for a family vacation.|But Doc fgured "How hard could this be?" That was before he met Archie. Ladies and gentlemen, he's the bear with|flair, the walkin' rug with an adorable mug. Archie the bear! # Get your motor runnin' # Head out on the highway! They love me. Go. # Born to be wild Archie! Oh! Ow! Archie! And that's the show! Phew! Big-boned gal, huh? - Yeah, I guess so.|- You got any action shots? No, but you'd be lucky|to wind up with somebody like her. Oh, look, I have had|so many girlfriends, you know... OK, look, I've never had a girlfriend, but bring|her by on Monday. That's when I'm dark, OK? No, I can't bring her here.|You have to go to her. - Whoa, whoa. Go to her? Where?|- She's in the forest. Ooh, I don't play forests.|I'm strictly state-fair, small-arena-type bear. - Archie, do you know what bear you are?|- Um, let's see. Yes. - I'm a singer, dancer, three years' tap.|- No, Archie, you're an endangered species. Hey, is that a threat, buddy?|Because my lawyer will be down... It's not a threat. I'm saying you're|a rare bear. You're a Pacific Western bear. - You know what that is?|- Yes. I can play any kind of bear. I've got|grizzly, panda, polar. Check out my polar: - "I am freezing! It is cold!"|- OK, I haven't made it clear enough. - Your ancestors come from California.|- Yes, blah, blah... At six months, they took|you from your mother... ...and taught you to wiggle your hips|to a recording of "Hound Dog". No, I taught myself that. I admit, I pander|cos I'm a pander bear! Get it? Yes, funny stuff, Archie. But what I'm proposing is I'd like to take|you back to where your ancestors roamed... ...and teach you to be a real bear. Look, I like the bear I am, OK? I'm famous. Have you been in the gift shop?|I have my own Beanie Baby. You do this, you'll be the|most famous bear in all the world. - Bigger than Pooh?|- Are you kiddin' me? You pull this off, they'll|be sayin' "Winnie the Who?" You've got yourself a bear. And, in what must be one of|the most unusual stories of the year... ...Dr John Dolittle is trying|to rewrite the laws of nature... ...by attempting to reintroduce|a performing bear into the wild. And, in doing so, he hopes to save|an entire forest from destruction. - It's Darwin versus Dolittle.|- Oh, get over yourself. Governor, I've got two|lumber mills waiting for that wood. I understand, Joe, but it's complicated,|especially if that endangered bear survives. - If I don't meet my quota, you'll be in danger!|- Now, now, JP. Not to worry. That ridiculous bear|is bound to screw up at least once. When he does,|you'll have yourself a new trophy. And I've gotjust the place to put him. So we all moved to the forest|and waited for Archie to arrive. Now, while the family got settled, it was|time I started looking out for number one. Ha-ha! This looks like it's|as good a place as any here. Ah, the simple pleasures of life. Holy Lord. That wolf is a fox. I hope I don't have dog breath|from licking my own... Never mind. Oh, you like that? Yeah, that was me. Plenty more where that came from,|know what I mean? Grr to you, too. What is that? Some kind of secret|wild-lady-dog code for "You like me"? Yeah, I do some dancing.|Here's a move I call the backscratcher. Pretty cool, huh? Hey, hot lady dog, wait.|Where are you goin'? Call me. And so the big day fnally came... ...and I had a feeling the fur was gonna fly. You all know why we're here. We're about to|do something that's never been done before. And everyone thinks that we can't pull this|off, and they got their trucks ready to roll. We're gonna prove 'em wrong, right? That's right. I want everybody|to put their claws together... ...and how about a big round of applause|for the bear who'll lead the way? Let's hear it for Archie! Yeah! Come on! Are you ready to save the forest? Well, put your paws up.|Put your paws up. Come on, now. Put... Is this some kind ofjoke? I wanna go serious on you for a second.|I know I've got my work cut out for me... ...but with your help, I know one thing. Now. Go. # I will survive|Yes, I will survive # Oh, yes, I know how to love|I know I'll stay alive # Yes, I will survive # For as long as I know how to love|I know I'll stay alive # Everybody! Dah, dah, dah... - We're dead.|- Never more. - This show's over.|- Let's go fool around. - You got your work cut out for you, Doc.|- OK, I'm done. That's good. Turn it off. You're not real.|You're Wayne Newton in a suit. It's so dirty. Look at my paws. Yes, it's the woods.|Its chief component is dirt. - Wait. Doc, is that her? She's a babe.|- Yeah, that's her. Oh, look at the way she moves.|Man, would I love to see her wet. - I'm gonna introduce you. Wait here, OK?|- Yeah, good. Hey, tell her I really dig her fat pouch,|but don't be crude. - I'll try to work that in.|- OK. Good. Wait. Hey. God. Oh, are you coming over here?|I'm a little busy foraging. - Hi. Hello. My name is John.|- I'm Ava. Hi, Ava. That's a pretty name.|Nice to meet you. - Hi.|- A quick question, Ava. How would you like to meet|the man of your dreams? - You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies.|- Oh, no, I'm not talking about me. I shouldn't have said man.|I should've said bear. What do you think of that|big hunk of bear over there? Um, I don't think I see him. - Oh, is he standing behind that dork?|- Oh, no, he is... Let me explain what's going on. A logging|company's gonna tear down the whole forest. And the only thing that can stop them is if|I can get two Pacific Western bears together. You're a Pacific Western bear, so is he. If you|two made little Pacific Western bears, then... - You see where I'm going?|- Yeah. Look, I don't talk to bear pimps. Wait. At least let me call him over. Please?|Hey, Archie, come over here. Hey, Johnny, there you are. Come on,|I thought we could go work out. Jeez. - OK, Archie, you're on.|- What do I say to her? - Get to know her. Tell her about yourself.|- Hi, I'm Archie. I like moonlit walks on the beach, sharing|slop buckets with that special someone... ...and soulful sounds of the Backstreet Boys. - You're very weird.|- Weird as in sexy? No, just weird. - Archie, let me take it from here. It was good.|- OK. So, Ava... what do ya think of Archie?|Cute, huh? - Don't make me eat you.|- Oh, stop that. He's uncomfortable|around females at first, but... That's not even really the point.|I need a real bear. Someone who can hunt|and protect and provide for me. - Oh, OK, I can understand that.|- Oh, and I'm already involved with someone. Really? You have a boyfriend already?|A bearfriend. - Are you in love with this bear?|- Love? My cousin married for love. Next thing she knows he's two-timing her|with this hot grizzly in a cave up north. - So you're not in love?|- No. Let's make a deal. Don't make any decisions|for a month. I'll work with Archie. In a month I'll turn that bear into a bear you|will be proud to have bear cubs with, OK? Check it out! I've flipped for you! Pine cone. - Hey.|- Hey. Mm. - Mm, perfect night.|- Mm-hm. Sittin' out here, breathin' this fresh air,|listenin' to the crickets chirp. Yup. You know what the crickets are saying? I don't know what they're saying.|I don't speak to animals, you do. Monkeys don't ask me for a forty ounce.|I don't say "Can I help you, little animal?" - Whoa.|- I listen to music. - Do you see me talking to the animals?|- Whoa. Slow it down. I was just gonna tell you|crickets are nature's thermometers. You can tell how cold it is|by how fast they chirp. OK. - It seems a little cold out here, doesn't it?|- Yeah. A little nippy. Maybe I need to go get my vest. Yeah. Yo. Fake Dr Dre and Snoop. Hey, and get a tune-up, man. Get a tune-up. - Yo, wassup, baby?|- Hey, Eric. - Mmmm.|- Oh... Hey! Hey! You left your homey! - Wassup, Dr D?|- I don't know. Maybe you should tell me. Yo. I came to visit. Since y'all love me so|much, I was gonna stay a while, if it was cool. Oh, no, no. Hell, no.|Charisse, I don't understand. - What's not there to understand, Dad?|- Eric with bags. - He's staying for a few nights. Mom said so.|- Oh, your mother said so. Oh. OK, Eric, you're gonna be on the floor|in the living room in a sleeping bag... ...if you don't have a problem with that.|And, by the way, Eric, I'm watching you. And notjust me. I got eyes|all around the woods. I talk to birds. - Thanks, Dad.|- Yes. So watch your back. - I hear you.|- Yeah, you feel me? OK. All right. I'm watching... I'm watching you, Eric.|I'm watching your back! Bears are opportunistic eaters,|fnding food wherever they can... - Can we please see what else is on?|- No, we can't see what else is on. You need to watch this, Archie, to learn how|to feed yourself and survive in the winter. - What is he doing, diggin'?|- Never wondered why you have sharp claws? Uh, no. - Bears are excellent swimmers.|- Not this bear. You're not gonna tell me you can't swim? Wait, you haven't heard?|There's a new invention. It's called: The boat. That's the last straw. We're getting up at the|crack of dawn and I'm teaching you to fish. - How about noonish?|- Unbelievable. So began the Bearathon, a training|mission so grisly, so un-bear-able, so hairy... OK, enough. - All right, Archie, this river's full of fish.|- Yup. So is Red Lobster. Hey, don't look at me. Look at the water. They're moving. Oh, one just|touched me. One just touched me! Look, you big furry baby, put|your face in that water and grab a fish. - No.|- Archie, do just like you saw on TV. Put your face under the water and catch a|fish. You can do it. I'm here with you. Go on. All right. I'll try it. All right. 1, 2, 3. - That's Archie!|- Wassup? - Wassup?|- Wassup? Oh, wassup? OK. OK, get one. Archie! Hey! Archie! Archie! Tell me how smart you have to be to lift your|head out of the water when you can't breathe. I saw a light. It was a bright light.|It was beautiful. - OK, that's it. We're gonna toughen you up.|- What? What? - We'll find something even you can catch.|- I saw my grandma. - Go on, eat.|- Oh, I... - Come on, eat!|- I don't eat the... I'm good, thanks. - OK, am I close?|- Cold. Use the Force. - Colder? Warmer?|- Arctic. - So, how's it going?|- Great. I'm not even gonna need three weeks. Honey, he's already foraging grapes. - Why's he walkin' away from 'em?|- He's not walkin' away. He's circling them. - Why? Are they dangerous grapes?|- No, no. The grapes aren't dangerous, Eric. - Seriously, where are the grapes?|- Don't worry. We're right on schedule. Ah, gettin' dizzy. Oh! I'm OK! The concrete broke my fall! Definite bruise. Explain this again. I'm supposed to climb into|a small, dark space and sleep for six months? - That's what bears do. It's called hibernation.|- Sounds more like depression. - Wait, how do I eat?|- You don't eat. You eat a lot during the summer|and that lasts you throughout the winter. - And the bathroom?|- There's no going to the bathroom. What? You kiddin'? I'm serious. What you do is|a week before you hibernate... ...you start eatin' things like dirt|and moss and hair and grass... ...and it forms a big plug in your, um...|It plugs up your... Well, you know. - It blocks my butt?|- Oh, yeah, blocks it all up... ...with this big, nasty, hairy plug|of hair and grass. Big, nasty plug. Whoa, whoa, wait. So you want me to sleep for six months|with a big cork in my butt? - Yeah, that's the idea of it.|- OK, goodbye. - Hey, Archie. Archie, come back here!|- Nope, I'm gone. See ya. - Headin' south?|- Archie, no one'll pick up a hitchhikin' bear. I'll split the gas and|sit in the back with the kids. - Come on, Archie. Stop it.|- Sorry, Doc. This isn't workin' out. I almost drowned. Ava doesn't like me. I'm sick and tired of your complaining.|Look up in this tree. What do you see, huh? - Bird.|- Right. A bird in his home. On the branch below is a squirrel in his home|and by the fence is a rabbit in his home. All these animals are depending on you. You|can do this. Just listen to your inner bear. Just trust him. He'll tell you|what to do. Trust him. Come on. OK, but I gotta tell you my inner bear|has a problem with the butt-plug. That's it. I'm gonna show you what happens|to animals that don't have a home. Hello, Clarice. - Doc, this isn't really necessary.|- It's time for a little tough love. Come on. Looky here. What's the matter, boy?|Couldn't make it on the outside? Hey, come on in, powder puff. - Right. Go on in there.|- Wha... Why? There's a couple of bears|that wanna meet you. Go. I'll just sit over on that side of the cell. I'm tired of this madness. - I'll bite you!|- Yes. Dolittle. Oh, hi, honey. Don't like to hunt or fish? Know what I'd give to be|in the forest instead of in this dump? - God. Doc!|- Oh, do I hear someone talkin'? See, that's the problem with kids today -|no respect. Kid thinks he knows my life. - I think he needs us to teach him a lesson.|- No, I just... I'm gonna give him a bear hug.|Let me give you a bear hug, Tiny. No, it's going well. I finally got this under... ...control. - # Her name was Lola|- Yeah! - # She was a show bear|- Let me call you back. # With yellow feathers in her hair - # And her dress cut down to there|- Where? - # At the Copa, Copacabana...|- Doc, everyone in this place loves musicals. I'm kidding. I get it. I'll try harder. Meanwhile, while the cat's away the mice|will play. And by mice, I mean teenagers. - Are your eyes still closed?|- Here they come. - You did all this?|- OK, boys. Remember what the doc said? If he gets fresh, we let him have it. Capeesh? - I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever.|- Taco? Did somebody say "taco"? No, no, blend in, blend in.|You're gonna blow our cover. Charisse, there's somethin' I've been|meanin' to do since we got out here. Really? What's that? This. Now! He French-kissed me! Brragh! Pah! Now that worked out nicely.|The drinks are on me, Jenny. Meanwhile the doctor gave|Archie and me some lessons of our own. Leave a little for me. Technically it's my... - Just a thought.|- Hey, what's goin' on here? I've been so blessed, I feel|I should give back to the hot lady dog. You don't have to put up with that.|Hey, get outta here. Yah! Go! Yah! - That is one hot fox!|- What's the matter with you two? Every female looks for the strongest male. - But what about personality?|- I'm gonna die a virgin. Shut up and listen. The strongest male|is called the alpha male. He's the big boss. He wants everybody to know it. You|have to be him. The boss of all the males. The alpha male. You have to learn|how to walk like the alpha male. - Walk the walk.|- Walk the walk. - Right. Talk the alpha male talk.|- I'm still on the walk. It's about power and respect. It's about pure, unchecked, uncompromised|testosterone-driven male power! - John, I asked you to line the garbage pails.|- You line 'em your self, woman! - What?|- Sorry, honey. I was talkin' to the animals. - I got riled up. I was teaching 'em something.|- Stop messing with them. Get us some food. I'm on my way. Gonna get the food, honey. - Go.|- On my way. - Way to go, alpha male. Talk the talk.|- Shut up! - Who are you telling to shut up?|- I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them. I'm going to get the food. - You sure you don't want another one?|- No, I'm fine. OK. I got a question. Let's say you spend|your whole life in show business... What's gonna be your big finish?|Every act has one. Big finish? Check it out:|San Francisco Bee... ..."The best thing about|Archie's act is when it's finished. " No, I mean in life.|Who you gonna share your success with? Your hopes, dreams, fears and failures? Everything I do wouldn't mean anything, if|I didn't have my wife and kids to go home to. Sometimes I do get very lonely.|I've never been in love. OK, this is your big chance.|I think Ava really likes you. Did she say something? What did she say? You gotta learn to read|between the lines sometimes. - She loves me? I knew it!|- Let's not get carried away. All right, Archie? I feel like I'm about to burst.|So this is what love feels like, right? Oh. Or maybe it's the marshmallows. It's the marshmallows|cos you ate a whole bag of 'em. Doc, tomorrow you're|gonna see a brand-new bear. Archie, I think I'm gonna call it a night. Don't go. It's a little scary out here for me.|Just... can you stay here till I fall asleep? I'll wait till you fall asleep, then I'm leaving. - Hey, Doc?|- Yes. Can you leave that light on? OK. Light stays on. I'll keep these here, OK? - Night, Archie.|- Night, Doc. If you want a marshmallow,|you just gotta ask me, OK? Look out, Ava! There's a new Archie in town! Oh, yeah, that feels good! Feel it comin'! Feel the burn! Feel the wind! Feel the muscle cramp. Ow. Agh! - Ow.|- Come on, Archie. Don't quit. Let's go. I think I pulled my butt muscle.|Ouch, it stings. My butt stings. Could you rub my butt?|Could you rub it, please? Rub my butt. Back here,|rub my butt. Please, rub my butt. Doc fnally realised he was never gonna make|Archie fast or strong enough to impress Ava. But maybe... maybe|he could make him sweet enough. - Wow. How could anybody be so beautiful?|- Why not go down there and tell her that? I don't know... Oh, my... What is that? That's Sonny. That's her little|bear friend. She told me about him. - But he's a Kodiak bear.|- Don't get discouraged. You'll win her over. The key to winning a woman over|is you just figure out what she likes. - Take my wife...|- Please! - Don't. This is serious.|- I'm sorry. - My wife, she likes to be surprised.|- Like jumping out the bushes, screaming? No, nothing like that. They like romance. Do something that says "I'm thinking about|you all the time. You're always on my mind. " Wow, that's really nice.|You do stuff like that all the time? I used to. But lately I've been all caught up in this,|so I guess I'm a little outta practice. Candles, fruit, cheese, wine. Perfect. - What are you doing?|- Oh, hey, honey. I'll tell you what I was doing.|It's about you tonight, baby. Yes. I sent the children off to the movies|and the bear is camping in the woods. - We're all alone.|- Oh, yes. All alone. - One second.|- No, you cannot see me. I am at one with the couch. I am blended|perfectly, interwoven into every fibre. I... - Oops. I can give you pointers.|- Found him. No more intrusions. Come on, it ain't no fun|if the homies can't see nothin'. Where were we? You were thinking a few candles and|some wine would make up for ignoring me. I'm sensing resistance.|I took that into consideration. I know something you can't resist. - Is this our wedding song?|- That's not fair. The first thing you danced to as Mrs Dolittle. - The show is about to start.|- What show? It is! It truly is. # Truly # I'm truly in love with Mrs Dolittle # Truly in love with you, girl Oh, he is so good. Let me tell you. He scratched my belly|the other day. My leg went crazy. - Hey, what's goin' on?|- Apparently, he's truly, truly in love with her. Hey, Doc, give her some garbage.|Chicks like garbage. How about planting|a little sugar on Dr D's lips, huh? - I think I can do that.|- Oh, really? - Mm-hm.|- Go, Doctor! Go, Doctor! Oh! - Ow!|- He broke her. Get outta here! All of you! - This ain't no peepshow!|- But this is helpful. I'm learnin' a lot. - Truly.|- Get out. We'll discuss it tomorrow. - Oh-oh. Busted.|- You're gonna discuss what tomorrow? Well, I was... I was... Well, baby, why don't we just|pick it up where we left off? - Baby.|- Hm? Why don't you sleep on the couch? Wait, what did she say, Doc? She said she loves me so much|I get to sleep on the couch. You're the man. Yes, I'm the man. I'm the man on the couch. Psst! Hey, Doc. Homeo's on the move.|His hormones are raging. There he goes. Hold it. I was only goin' to the bathroom. You can hold it. I know that trick. - Hey, hey, baby.|- Hi. What's wrong with your voice? You're lookin' mighty fine. So why don't you plant some of that sugar|over here on my... on Archie the... # Truly Oh, no. Is that our song? Whoa! Argh! Ow! Hard ground! Back. You should maybe learn|how to climb trees, truly! That's a bruise. - Hey, come on out of there, Archie.|- Never. - I'm sure it wasn't that bad.|- It was the most humiliating thing I've done! And I once rode a unicycle|in a tutu. A tutu! God! - We can fix this. We just have to work harder.|- No, I'm just gonna stay here and hibernate. - Stay. We'll make our own bear suit.|- No, Archie's fine. Good, cos we were wondering if every animal|in the forest could stay with you next week. All right, Archie, I'm not playin' any more.|Come out now, you big coward! Uh, excuse me,|who are you calling a coward? You. I'm calling you a coward.|You're a big coward for quitting! - It's hard.|- You know what hard is? My wife and daughter are mad at me... ...and I'm spending my vacation with|a pizza boy who says "Yo, Dr D, wassup?" Now I'm listening to a big, furry baby crying,|who wants to quit cos it's too hard. - Ava laughed at me.|- Oh, boohoo. "Ava laughed at me. " I love her and I need her|and she laughed at me! You don't deserve Ava. Why should|Ava have to be with a coward like you? Hey, don't poke the bear, buddy. I didn't poke a bear. If I did, it'd be maulin'|me. I don't know what I poked, but not a bear! - Hey, I'm warnin' you.|- And I'm pokin' you. - Stop it.|- Poke, poke, poke! All right, that's it! Argh! Umph! Archie, it hurt. Hey, that felt good. Bear-like. Archie, you're beyond my help.|Take your back to the circus. A bear? I'm a bear! I'm the alpha bear! Grr! Grr! Bears say "Grr", right? - What happened to you?|- Archie! I... you know... Potter called. He wants to make a deal. Just listen to what he has to say. - It's for you, madame.|- Thanks. - So, does Sonny bring you fish?|- No, not a fish. Usually about a hundred. A hundred? Wait. No.|He can't carry that many. OK, but does Sonny tell you that you have|the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen? Does he promise to fill your life|with love, poetry, laughs? No. No. Mostly he just asks me|when I think I'll be in heat. - Prince Charming, huh?|- Yeah. So when is that? - Do you wanna go for a walk?|- With you or alone? - With me.|- OK! This isn't a walk. We're running.|Why do we always have to run? # I got you now|and I just wanna show you how to play # Goose bumps on your body guide the way # I wanna go all night|Ain't no stoppin' till the breakin' of the dawn # I wanna go inside every corner|Girl, you really turn me on # I wanna go knock knock|Our bodies to the beat # And when the morning comes|we'll let the sun shine... Yup, there was love in the air. Be the man. Be the man. Be... the... man. Hey, now you listen to me.|Yeah, that's right. You're in my house now. Yeah, my house. Also my house. All these are my houses. Hey, you're a lucky girl, you know that?|You're the lucky one, not me. You. Yeah. You wanna go out with me tonight? - Hey, what do you think you're doing?|- Who, me? No, I'm not doing anything. I'm just, you know, assuming the position. Hey, you marked my tree. Oh, no, I would never do that.|I would never mark your tree. I don't even know what those words mean. I|drank a lot of water. It goes right through me. - Come on, it smells like lemonade.|- Oh, yeah. Oh, I see your point. Yours is very, very strong. It's like ammonia. I'm actually getting dizzy,|to tell you the truth. Come on, let's beat it. We're leaving. You two are going? Well, have fun.|You make a very handsome couple. God, I hate myself. - Wow.|- Yeah. - Bears have died trying to reach that hive.|- Well, if you want it, you got it. - Don't even think about it. That's not funny.|- No, I'm gonna get it for you. - Archie, I'm serious. It's too dangerous.|- OK. - Promise me.|- OK. - I like you, Ava.|- I like you too, Archie. - Oh, what are you girls doin' over here?|- Sonny, don't. - Beat it, circus boy.|- Sonny. - Oh, you keep your yap shut.|- Your charm is matched only by your odour. - And what does that mean?|- Just that you're a malodorous ignoramus. What is he sayin'? I'm confused.|I don't like bein' confused. - Yeah, he really doesn't.|- You'd think he'd get used to it, huh? - Let's go, Ava. Tryin' to confuse me.|- Ava, don't go. You can do better than me, but|don't do worse. I thought you liked me. Of course I do, but you'll always be|a city bear, and I need more than that. City bear. Great. - Shall we put all our cards on the table?|- Of course. This bear you brought up here has as much|likelihood of making little babies as Riley. Ain't gonna happen. On the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not|exactly drowning in favourable publicity. So here's my offer. I'll set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary.|You can bring all your animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have|to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool. - Ten acres is ridiculous.|- That's the offer! The deadline is Wednesday at 12 noon. At 12.01 we'll be sending in every logger,|every piece of logging equipment we've got. By Friday there won't be a tree standing. - I need to run this by my wife.|- Excellent idea. There's a payphone out back. Excuse me. Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness. Hey, Johnny. - What are you doing here?|- Doc, I know what to do. I got my big finish. - Look, come in here, quick.|- All right. Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here. OK, listen. I gotta tell you, this thing is over.|I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I might have to get you an audition in Vegas|cos these guys offered me a deal. No, no, the best you can do is not give|up on me, Doc. Come on, you told me! - "Listen to your inner bear. " Remember?|- I don't know, Archie. Look, I know how I can win Ava! OK. I know I'm nuts or something,|but I'll give you one more chance. - Yes! Yes!|- OK, let me get over there. - Oh-oh. Oh-oh.|- "Oh-oh" what? What's the problem? - Ice cream is acting up.|- What ice cream? I got depressed after Sonny and Ava|and I went on a bender. By the second gallon I realised I love Ava and|this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia". - Hey, don't you dare throw up on me.|- Oh! That's not where it's gonna come out. - Wait! You gotta do that, sit on the toilet.|- I can't hold it. - You gotta lift the lid up first.|- This is not gonna be big enough. Oh, boy! You'll be fine. Just sit there. I'm gonna|keep guard outside. Just take care. Hey. Be with you in a second.|I'm taking care of business. - Who you talking to in there?|- I'm talking to myself. - Sometimes you gotta coax it down.|- Right. Give my sphincter a little pep talk.|Excuse me. Come on down, you. - Oh, my God!|- I gotta stay. Let me get the window open. - Don't do nothing till I get it open.|- Oh-oh. The window only opens a bit.|That's not enough. Oh, hey! You're doin' it, aren't you? - There she goes! Whoo!|- It's worse than I imagined it would be. - Whoo!|- Archie! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, Archie! You just had ice cream?|That's notjust ice cream. - Oh, Archie!|- It ain't that bad. Come on. Whoo! Gentlemen, no deal. Thanks for your time. Hm? Was that me? - Can you hear me, Pepito?|- Stop staring. You're giving me a complex. - I'm trying to blend.|- If you can hear me, match the table colour. - What are you doing?|- I think he understands me. If he understood me, I'd tell him|how sick I am of these animals. That really hurt. If you understood me, I'd tell you to cure your|dandruff flakes. It's like Christmas in July. - I hate this place.|- So young, so angry. That rap music. - Hey.|- Hey. So, how'd it go? - Well, I told Potter no deal.|- I thought it wasn't working with Archie. Archie's got an idea. He thinks he can win|Ava over, so I'm gonna see this through. So that means we're stuck here? Oh. - Charisse!|- Hey, Charisse. Hey! Charisse! It's a long walk back to the city. - We're not getting on, are we?|- I wanna go home. I wanna go home too, but there's|something else that's bothering you. I'm not saying it's your fault. Maybe it's mine,|maybe it's a phase you're going through. Your mother thinks you got|a problem you're not telling us. - No.|- You sure? There's nothin' bothering you? - I'm sure.|- Charisse. - I'm fine, Dad.|- OK. I'm not saying you do have a problem... ...but if you do, we work things out, right?|- Right. - You cool?|- Cool. All right. - Your mother was a little worried and I was...|- Tell her I'm fine. OK. OK. - Dad?|- Yes! Yes! I knew it. I knew something was|bothering you. Come on, talk to me. Really. Daddy to daughter. Break it down.|You can cry, we can cry together if that's... - What is it?|- Nothing. Stop. Must be the mountains|messing me up cos... I'm fine. - You sure you're all right?|- Mm-hm. She's all right. You have your little space.|I'll be in the house. - All right.|- OK. Talking time's done.|It's time to be bold for Ava. He's goin' after the hive!|He's goin' after the hive! - Who?|- Archie. - Who?|- Archie, you idiot. Jeez. Boy, this cliff's a lot higher than I remember. Bye-bye, species. This is your big plan, huh?|Archie, you get back here! Come back in! - No way, Doc. I'm gonna do this or die tryin'.|- That bear is one bad mother. - Archie, what are you doing?|- Archie, get back right now. Stop playing! I don't think I'm gonna win Ava|by eating a bunch of worms. I'll never be more woodsy than Sonny. I have|to show her how much she means to me. And if you fall, it'll prove|you're stupid and dead, Archie! What's goin' on around here?|Oh, the circus boy's got a new trick. - Quiet, Sonny.|- OK, I got it, I got it. That log ain't gonna hold him.|And I know logs. - OK. Whoa!|- Don't move, Archie! Don't move! - Careful.|- I'll buy you the honey. - Hey, whoa, whoa!|- Break. Break. - This was not a good idea.|- Archie, get down. I'm fine. Bees! - Hold still. I'll try to talk to 'em.|- They're stinging! Don't sting. Guys, uh... zzzz!|Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz. I can't see! They're stinging. Get away. - Attack!|- No, no, hey, stop! Argh! - Defend the hive!|- Oh! Hey, Archie! - Get the little guy.|- Ah. - Protect the hive!|- Attack! Banzai! Archie! Archie! Hey! Hey! - Archie!|- Archie, get back in here! - Jump, circus boy.|- Go suck a salmon. Ava, I got it for you! - Good job, Archie. Way to go, Archie.|- Yeah! You did it. - Ooh, ooh, ooh!|- Yeah! That kid's got moxie! I love him. OK. OK. What's the matter with you, huh? What did you do something|like that for? Are you crazy? I could have got that hive if I wanted it.|Come on, Ava, 'fore I get mad. Sonny, we're not workin' out, so take a hike. - Honey?|- Yeah, babe. What's up? - No, I meant would you like more honey?|- Oh, no. I'm good. So, ready to talk about|preserving the species? We could talk. Or you could count|to a hundred and come and get me. OK. Counting. Great Um, 1, 2... 1, 2, 3... - That's impressive. He's really counting.|- Come on, focus, focus. Uh, 1... - Maybe I should stay in the open.|- 1, 2, 10, G, H, P. - Green, orange, fish...|- Pace yourself. Not so fast. 1, 2, 3, 10, uh, fiveteen.|OK! One hundred! Ow! What's happenin' now? - Daddy.|- Hey. Daddy's back. What is it? What happened? It's Archie. OK, folks, let's move it back now.|We got a wild animal comin' through. Wild animal comin' through. I know you've|all seen the show When Animals Attack. Have you seen when animals|wake up and attack? Now, there's nothing more dangerous|than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear. - They have big, sharp teeth and claws...|- Excuse me, I'm Dr Dolittle. What happened? He broke down the back door,|then we found him ransacking the kitchen. - No.|- Yeah. Sorry, Dr Dolittle. I was rootin' for ya. All right, let's move it out.|Show's over. Let's go! - Hey, Archie, it's me. What happened?|- Hey, I was so close, Doc. It came out of nowhere.|Are you ready to save the forest? Yeah... The good news is we're|setting aside ten acres of forest. We're calling it the Dr Dolittle Wildlife|Sanctuary. We're very pleased about that. - Speak of the devil.|- Can we speak to you? - You think you've won, but you haven't.|- Fine, we'll level your forest and call it a tie. Thanks very much, folks.|That's it for today. Thank you. - Did anybody see what happened?|- Yeah. We got one problem.|He's a friggin' weasel. - Oh, really? What did he do?|- No, I mean he's an actual friggin' weasel. - Hey, weasel, the doctor's here.|- OK, you know what? That's Mr Weasel. - Did you see what happened to the bear?|- Oh, da scary bear. Did I see what happened? - Did you see anything or not?|- You give me that wristwatch of yours... ...and I'll tell you. - You're such a weasel.|- Oh, thank you. - Potter's men set Archie up. I got a witness.|- An animal? - You can't offer them to evidence.|- Got any better ideas? I'll stall for time.|We'll get a private investigator. Those trucks are ready.|They're gonna ship Archie off to a zoo. John, if you go on the witness stand,|Riley is gonna tear you to shreds. - What do I have to lose?|- Your reputation. I don't care. I'm not giving up on those|animals, not without a fight. Excuse me. Your Honour, we admit it was a setback, but|we need another week to rehabilitate the bear. May I suggest the counsel would like to|admit the animal into the Betty Ford Clinic. Or the Yogi Bear Clinic! What if I could prove|the entire thing was a setup? That would be a very serious allegation. Do you intend to present evidence? We have an eyewitness. Your Honour, can I address|the court for a minute? - Go ahead.|- Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify... ...that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a|truck backing up to where the shot was fired. Is that witness here in the courtroom? No, not in the courtroom with us... ...because he's... He's a weasel. Order! Your Honour, I know this is unreasonable... ...but I can talk to animals and one of them|came forward with this information, sir. Your Honour, if it pleases the court, I have|no problem allowing Dr Dolittle or counsel... ...the opportunity to question the eyewitness. I would just ask for a brief recess|so that I have opportunity to get a camera. - I'd like a shot of the animal being sworn in!|- That's enough! And certainly we could provide|animal protection programmes. That's enough. Dr Dolittle, I will|not let you make a mockery of my courtroom. The deadline has passed.|Motion to extend denied! That's a shame. You hate to see it! Uh, Dr Dolittle, can you tell us|what the weasel said? Hey! Hey, Doc, OK. Come to get me out? - Um, sort of.|- Sort of? What do you mean "sort of"? I couldn't prove your story, Archie, so they... What? They... they what? They think you're too|dangerous to be set free, so... Yeah? What? - They sold you to a Mexican circus.|- Ai, Chihuahua. Archie, I am... I'm so sorry. - For what?|- For everything. Dragging you out here,|putting you through all this... ...giving you hope. I feel like I ruined your life. Ruined my life? Doc, you gave me a life. You're the one who taught me about love,|and no one can ever take that away from me. Hey, Charisse. - What are you doing down here?|- Mom's motion for an appeal was denied. Well, we knew it was a long shot anyway. - At least you'll be back in show business.|- Yeah, that's not what I want any more. - I just want Ava.|- I know you want Ava. Well, maybe I wasn't meant to be loved. - Everybody is meant to be loved.|- That's right. Everybody is meant... Charisse. Oh, my God. - Charisse, since when?|- A couple of weeks now. At first it was kind of fuzzy. But, uh... ...now it's really clear. - This is what you've been keeping from us?|- Dad, I didn't wanna become a freak. Oh, no, you're not gonna|become a freak. Not at all. When it happened to me I got scared, too.|You're looking at it the wrong way. - This is a good thing.|- How? Look at all the good|that's come out of it already. - What good?|- Look at us like this. How about this, huh? Hey, guys, now I know|what I've been missing - a family. I guess that's something I'll never have. Dad, you gotta help him.|Isn't there something that we can do? And it's notjust him. I mean, it's all|the animals. There's so many of 'em. Yeah, there are so many of them. - You guys have given up, haven't you?|- Hey, what am I gonna do? I'm six years old.|I'm not a young beaver no more. Besides, we've been livin' here how long? About 100 years we've been|shakin' down this forest. So we had a good run. I tried to do this myself, but I can't. So if you|wanna save your homes, you gotta help me. And whether or not you believe it,|you have untapped power. When people talk about the best,|it's always an animal expression. You got a heart like a lion|or you're as strong as an ox. Eyes like an eagle or|he can move swift like a gazelle. - Or you stink like a skunk.|- What? Sorry, man. I'm just making my point.|What I'm trying to say is we can do this. We can do it! Don't give up without a fight. Let the word go out from Sicily to SeaWorld:|The trucks don't move. Capeesh? - The beaver's right!|- Yeah! All right! Yeah! Hey, kids, I've got to ask you to move. - No.|- No? Listen, don't start with me. Everybody, take your positions. Hasta la vista, baby. Roll 'em up! I ain't never seen nothing like this before. - None of them have any milk.|- What? All of 'em are dry. - What's wrong, Annabelle?|- Strike. Strike. Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! - Here's your eggs! You want 'em scrambled?|- Strike! Strike! Strike! OK, let's go get the Frisbee.|Come on, go get it. Strike. Strike. Strike. Oh, come on! Give me that leash! Whoa! Whoa! Hey, Archie, all the animals are working|together. You'll be out of here in no time. It's ridiculous. Animals can't organise. - You may wanna take a look at this, then.|- All over the world animals have organised. They're striking in Paris, Texas.|In Paris, France. In Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada. I'm sure I'm gonna regret this,|but maybe you should talk with Dolittle. And what? Give in to a bunch|of beasts and lower life forms? I took on the Democrats!|I can take on a bunch of animals! - Charge!|- Oh, no! Agh! - Go on!|- Watch it. - Go on, beat it.|- Retreat! Go on! Organised. We have two bogeys|bearing alpha, tango, niner. Locked on target, squad leader. - D'you hear something?|- Commence bombing. - Roger that, sir.|- Well done, men. I got your wing, Iceman. Party ain't over yet. I want the short one. Sir? - Don't make any sudden moves.|- Gotcha. - Aaargh!|- Attack! Lock and unload! Poops away. Firing number two. Let's return to base and reload. - Sir, you've locked the...|- What? You've locked the door, sir!|You might wanna... Sir! - I think you should run.|- I'm an attorney. I'm not with him. - Run!|- There he is again. Get the little guy. Banzai! Banzai! Not the face! No, please. No, no. I'm sure|we can work something out. I'm reaching for my phone.|I'm gonna call Dr Dolittle. No sudden movements|or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis. Hello. The number for|Dr John Dolittle, please? Not Stuart Little. Dolittle. Dolittle. - Oh, Mr Potter. How are you, sir?|- I could be better. I'm here with your friends. I know you can't believe|animals are organised. Well, you know, I don't know|what to think any more. I will be more than happy to set up|a meeting between you and these animals... ...to work out your problems.|- What? It's the only way you can save face and get|out of this thing without looking like an idiot. OK, OK, look, anything. Just call 'em off. OK, all right, listen.|Put the raccoon on the phone. - He wants to speak to you. Make it short.|- Hello. Yeah. No, I got it under control.|We'll call yous back. First off, I am here only as a mediator and|the negotiations will be between Mr Potter... ...and the representatives of the|United Animals of the Forest Local 534. Yeah, let's come to order. - This is my new proposal.|- All right. What's the stipulations?|What territory we lookin' at? It's only 12 acres here. It's 12 acres. - I got your 12 acres right here, pal!|- Hey, they like it. I'll give you something you like. Like this. I think that's a "No". Or "Hell, no" maybe. Meanwhile the strike kept growing.|Even the pros were getting in on the act. The last runners left to load now|for the biggest spectacle of the year. It's Derby time. Last horse is in,|gates closed. And away they go! Hell, no, we won't go!|Hell, no, we won't go! - Hell, no, we won't go!|- Run your own stupid race. - You try running a mile.|- Don't think about reaching for that whip. Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu! This is Shamu. Nah, I don't feel like jumpin'|through hoops today. You guys? No, no, not me. Not today.|I just ate. Uh-uh. Mr Potter, I hope we have a deal now. - All right, Doc!|- Yeah. Taught him everything he knows. Vive le bear! Vive le Archie!|Vive le docteur! - Come on, gimme a bear hug.|- Oh, no. Absolutely not, Archie. You're not leavin' here|until you get a bear hug. - All right, just a little one.|- Come on! All right, that's it. All right, Archie. Archie! You're crushing my spine. Archie! Bye-bye. Drive safe now. Buckle up. - Hey, Archie, you in there?|- What? - Hey, Doc.|- Hey, man, I just stopped by to say so long. - Oh, thanks for everything.|- You are quite welcome. Archie, I'm ready. She's in heat. Excuse me, Doc.|Gotta go save the species! Oh. Go do your thing, Archie. Yeah, Archie. Archie! Oh, Archie. It was quite a summer. Hey, Doc. - Hey, Lucky, what are you doing?|- What am I doing? Hm. Let me phrase it this way. You too, huh? And Charisse and the doc|were closer than ever. Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pepito.|You'll get it eventually. No, I won't. I will never blend in.|I have a broken blender. You will blend in, trust me. You will blend in. How? How will Pepito|ever blend in? Pepito sucks. Look at me! I'm blending in! - I'm invisible!|- That's right. You're invisible. - Greatjob, honey.|- Did you ever doubt me? The blendmaster is back!|I am king of the Third World! Hey, can we do the whole house like this?|It's very feng shui. But the best news of all|came the following spring. Kids, come on. Hey. Woo! Woo! Over here, kids.|Woo-woo, over here. OK. Now, it's step, step, turn, kick, step. Papa, I thought it was|step, kick, turn, step, step. Come on, kids. We open in six weeks. - I thought you retired.|- Oh! I did, honey. We're just playin'. OK, now, from the chorus. 5, 6, 7. # I will survive|I will survive # For as long as I know how to love|I know I'll stay alive # I've got all my life to live|I've got all my love to give # And I'll survive # I will survive # Hey, yeah Hey, come on. This is|the most boring party I've been to. You guys are so stiff, so plastic.|Come on, let's move. Let's conga. Hey, baby, are those real?|Let's get this party started. Let's go. Ooi, ooi, party over here, party over there. Raise the roof. The roof is on fire. Can you see me now?|I bet you can't. I'm invisible. - Can you see me?|- Of course. I see both of you. # There's a place in France|where the naked monkeys dance Category:Transcripts Category:20th Century Fox Transcripts